I'm Tired, You're Tired. Uuuugh!!

Yesterday was a difficult day because, more than normal I was feeling the lack of time and space for myself. As a parent, and specifically a father it's a challenging area. How do I support my wife, take care of my child and both love and nurture myself in the process? Part of the challenge of this is that my wife who is my best friend, soul mate, and partner in this parenting journey is often dealing with the same challenge.

So a thought enters into my mind. "How can I communicate what's happening for me and ask for support when you're feeling the same thing and in need of the same support?" Such a tricky one. Sometimes there's a resistance to communicating my pain when my partner is feeling the same pain. Won't resentment and fear enter into the picture. "I'm tired too. You think you're the only one who's tired. If you're tired then I have to work harder and I'm already at my limit. If I open up to you and you're feeling the same exhaustion and lack of individual space will you drop me? Will I open up and then be dropped? Is it ok to be angry at this when you're just at your limit.       

As you can see it can get tricky and escalate. Last night I was vulnerable and opened up about my experience and my wife was in a different place. She had had a good day, a more energizing day. She was still tired but in an open, accepting place.       

As parents we need to be able to communicate our experience to each other. Parenting can be exhausting and all consuming. On this journey one of the most important things I continue to try to work on with my wife is the realization that if she's having a bad day or if I'm having a bad day we can't always save each other, and we can still be there for each other. It's about communication. "I'm sorry your exhausted. I wish I could support you better right now and i'm totally exhausted too. Doesn't that suck. We both need each other and we're both exhausted. I totally get where you're at."        

Instead of a competition based on having the same experience it becomes empathy based on the same experience. It's about accepting your limitations and trying to see your partner. If I'm seen and my wife says I don't have a lot to give right now I'm ok. I'm seen and I'm heard like last night. How soothing it is to be seen and heard by the one you trust the most.